Saturday, June 7, 2008

We're Married Now What? STOP Bridal burnout before it happens!

First and foremost, I want to thank you for your emails and get well wishes. I have never felt more connected than when I lived in Chicago. While Gold Events has continued to flourish, it has been hard year for me physically. I am doing better and back in the "saddle" as one would say. We have expanded our staff to 11 planners. I am not sure how I could have done anything without my team. Or from other planners who took over the work load when I physically could not do it. I know this was my warning...Slow down Sam...I can't be everywhere and do everything. I know you type A+++ fans understand exactly where I am coming from. Don't you???? Ha! I can already feel the smile. That brings me to a VERY important subject. Something that has been discussed, but not to the extent it needs to be. BRIDAL BURNOUT. What does this mean? I am asked this ongoing...I always try to explain to my clients or other planners during our classes to watch for this. You, "The Bride", become so engrossed in the process of planning that you forget WHY you are doing this. You become frustrated, saddened, showing signs of anxiety that can last for the whole process and thus destroying your day. Many brides daily have had to take medication to calm them down over what? Is it the marriage, is it getting cold feet, wanting to be in control? Wanting everything to be perfect. PERFECT....Remember there is NO such thing. It may be in the dictionary, but it still remains to be in the vision of one person... When I think of the word perfect, I think it truly is in the eye of the beholder. One persons "perfect" may be way off from another. And we must learn to respect that. When it comes to weddings, we wish for perfection. We worry about what others will think about our event. We fight with our inlaws (to be) over things that do not pertain to your relationship with your new husband long term. We fight with our families because they do not respect our wishes. We even fight with our partner to be about things like music and decor? These are NOT typical issues. Once you say I do, do you really think that your hubby will fight with you about decor (for the most part?) Come on think about it! You need to focus on your relationship continuously during the planning of your wedding. Some would agree that counseling is good, or having weekly meetings with your mate about anything other than wedding plans? We tend to work ourselves up when we are waiting to get engaged. We get engaged and then we go on a quest to make the perfect wedding. There goes that word again. I wish I could erase it I would have stress free clients 100% of the time. There are times during the planning with our clients where we don't speak for a month or maybe 2-3 months. Some brides get worried as though we are missing something, because we haven't chatted about the wedding. While the world continues to live day to day, would it be a crime that one could take a break from talking about the wedding? I ask this purely as an outsider. I don't know each story. I am not the cure all for wedding perfection. I am just a tool. If you invest in a "tool" than you must know that everyone needs a break from the wedding chats because it gets to be too much. Leaving room for unnecessary anxiety, arguments and even breaking off the engagement. Have I had this happen yes and I too am saddened. When I met the couple and saw such wonderful communication such happiness become destroyed over one day...A GLORIFIED PARTY. Some say better to know now that after. I am not so sure that is 100% true. I will say one thing, it does test your communication skills. It is very stressful just to share your life with one person...Forever as we say it..what is any relationship without great communication? That is the #1 reason for divorce in the US. Lack of.... Some work it out, they take the plunge, and then the excitement settles down. This is not just centered around the bride but the groom as well. A deeper feeling of loss settles in. There is nothing to focus on???? Is this over? Is this it? So a bride or groom may feel that spark..that excitement we had during the engagement and planning process is GONE. And some become saddened, and even worse some become severally depressed and are in need of therapy and medication. It's very similar to what someone would call the Baby Blues or PPD. I know several Brides who have gone through this and several more will. I am not a therapist, I am someone who focuses on making a special day for everyone to enjoy and remember. I guess all one can do is try to train ourselves to focus on the here and now, Because when the day is over, we can't get it back. All we have is tomorrow and so on... I think I have stated my concern, my thoughts. I know that if this advice helps one person at least I did someone a favor. Or even better saved a relationship. I leave you all with one thought: When you do get engaged or if you already are please just use the following guidelines 1. That you promise eachother that you will only focus on wedding talk a few days a week. And when your on a date, that all you do is keep your head in the "now" 2. You promise not to judge your significant's opinions whether they are realistic or not. Just listen... 3. Most importantly, you remember why you are doing this. It is not for mankind or to be in "Town and Country Weddings" or the talk of the town. Your doing this because you have found your balance...Right?


Buckeye Lane said...

I absolutely love this post. I am in the middle of planning my wedding and am definitely experiencing anxiety over making it "perfect." Everyone is so critical these days of weddings-- it is overwhelming! I have also developed a complex about being a "bridezilla"-- everyone expects you to be an obnoxious bride, and I've found myself going overboard not to act like one, when all I really want to say is-- this is how I would really like it to be, can we just do it that way?!

Thanks so much for this post-- it really has made us feel better and has put everything in perspective for my fiance and I!

Mary Ann said...

Loved this post. Planned, paid for and happily married almost a year ago. Planned the wedding in under 5 months. Stressful? a little, (especially after I decided to make the fresh floral centerpieces with my girlfried and not hire a florist!) The wedding was beautiful, personal and fun. We had 100 guests at a lovely restaurant in NJ and didn't break the bank! However, every bride, groom, mother and guest needs to remember it is just 1 day in the life. A special day, yes, but still, 1 day that flies by in a nano-second!! So, if it rains, or a flower is wilted, or a nail is broken or the napkins aren't monogramed, it doesn't matter. Your life and your love will go on!

I devote my time to ensuring our clients recieve fab service. There's another "calling" for me. To give back to my peers that aspire to be the next "best" fancy pants somebody! Those who play it safe standing behind me, will fail. I do serve as a warning to others and yes, I'm nutty. It's who I am & it's not going to change, as it works. Feel free to comment & join me on what could be the best road trip EVER!

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Just admit it, I say off the wall things...And it works!