Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Good Things To Know!

Right when you think you have a sane household with little to explain to a 5 year old, think again... First of all, it's COLD outside! Where did this crap come from and how do we send it back? I know the NYC folks say Chicago is SO cold...I have news for you, it's just as cold here. Actually it's warmer in Chicago than in the burbs. I gather it's the same story here. OK. So tonight, we have a lot going on, husbands getting ready for a test, and he's putting Sydney to bed. I can't help but to look in on them as he is tucking her in. I'm feeling nostalgic peeking in, and Andrew begins to tell our daughter the story of Chanukah. I'm not sure where the story started, I just heard him telling her about the part where the Romans were chasing after the Jews (he mentioned later it was good I did not hear about the crucifixion). STOP...Is it just me, or is this like showing her Friday the 13th episodes? Best part, tonight I agreed to have her sleep in our room. What was I thinking? I am going to be climbing the walls tomorrow. This has been one wacky day. Not that any of my days are normal, I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me. I'm just as abnormal as the rest of you, if not more so. Highly comical and lots of room to imagine I suppose. I read this article on line tonight...It was what men don't like to see or hear. So men, don't like to see too much crack? I'm saying crack in the tush ladies. I guess those low riders are going too low for some of us. I have to agree, I would not be turned on by seeing plumber tush. Even if your my best friend, I'd have to tell you it's just not right. OK. So if low riders are not attractive to you, then why did you design them? And furthermore, Victoria Secret has low rider panties? Come on, we are trying here! Next on his list of dislikes...Clutch purses instead of totes? Like a guy really cares what we carry? Half the time, we are carrying his crap and when you have a kid you have more chachkas so what is our alternative? If you have a slim bag for credit cards, this may work for some of us! He also doesn't like flat boots, he'd rather see you in boots with heels or open toe boots. Well Mr. Man...I'd like to see you walk in these cha cha boots. Some of them are really high and if you can't pole dance, your going to look like Lucy Riccardo. I can't walk in heels over 2 inches. With the snow we are expecting unless they are like 5-7 inch heels, you might as well just wear the UGGS. I think UGS are super sexy and really cozy. Ladies if you have a man who wants to wear some boots with heels, I need to see this one. No to grandma underwear and YES to SPANX? Have you guys ever tried to put on SPANX? I know the name sounds kinky, but I don't see the word sexy in SPANXS. I see deception of real weight! If you have muffin top...This could do the trick. However, I don't see this as a quick fix for brides. I have stories that will make you rip out of your SPANX from recent brides who have worn them. I think we should have a comedy show about brides getting out of them after the wedding. I'm kind of envious of the SPANX I have to say, when I got married, I just had to suck it in physically. At least you have nylon doing it for you this time around. Maybe you could save the after wedding "CALI FORNICATION" until the next morning? JUST asking!!! RELAX! Now wait, NO to low rise and YES to high rise? I cannot even fathom putting on high rise. It's like pulling your pants too high on purpose.Camel toe might even add into this equation! Have you tried going back to that look? It's MOM jeans! Do you want to look like MOM at 20? Sorry guys, this one I'm putting my foot down. Last but not least...NO to black lipstick and YES to red. Who ever thought black lipstick is hot? I mean if your into the whole goth thing, I get that, but black lipstick? Picking up your kid from school in black lipstick? Do they even sell this stuff? Halloween yes...But everyday wear? Red lipstick, I have to say, SASSY! Sadly enough for me it makes me look like the Jecklers wife...I have tried every shade and well, it's not going to happen. I don't think there is anything sexier than a bride in white wearing RED lipstick! It's hot..and leaves a bit of imagination for her groom! DEFINITELY COUGAR MATERIAL! You won't have to worry about getting out of those SPANX ladies if you go with the RED lips....Sure cure for any groom whose had way too much Johnny! OK. Who ever started this article must have found men in places we just don't go. I just thought you might like to see what our typical train wreck of a man likes for us.. Ha! I hope you are all having a great week...I hope to find some interesting feedback on this one...I know I might have gone a bit overboard. I am dabbling remember? This is what writers do! xoxo Sam

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I devote my time to ensuring our clients recieve fab service. There's another "calling" for me. To give back to my peers that aspire to be the next "best" fancy pants somebody! Those who play it safe standing behind me, will fail. I do serve as a warning to others and yes, I'm nutty. It's who I am & it's not going to change, as it works. Feel free to comment & join me on what could be the best road trip EVER!

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Just admit it, I say off the wall things...And it works!