Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Monster In Law or Mother In Law?

This is one question that continues to baffle me. I know that there are several of you that can relate to this. The one thing we hope for when we decide to get married, is that we can get along with his/her parents. Just because you fall in love with someone does not give the guarantee that your significants side will accept you and/or your ideas about this big day. Close knit families may not always be open arms immediately. The scary thing about the word "in law" is that they are going to be a part of your world for forever and a day. I can tell you, this is an area that seems to take over the planning BIG time. When I hear these horror stories, all I can do is listen. I try to be the unbiased party or devils advocate in some cases. While sitting back is sometimes extremely hard, I do have to put my foot down once in a while. How do you plan a wedding with a controlling MIL to be? Tread waters lightly. I have planned numerous weddings where the bride cannot work along with the mother of the groom because she's overbearing. Giving her opinions as though she's the only one that matters. How can you even discuss being civil when you have this demanding beast wherever you go? How does this work with your new engagement? Good question. I know that having someone like myself to vent to is good, but my question remains the same. What are you going to do about this? Truthfully, this can be the beginning of a great new life with a new family, or this can be your worst nightmare. Just because you say I do, doesn't mean things change. It's up to you to make the difference before hand. If you wait, you're only fueling the fire. Your going to harbor resentment for not saying something. This problem is so common, even celebrities who have recently gotten engaged have shared some scary tales. Lets take Ashanti and Nelly. Now this couple is ready to be engaged any day now. The problem is Ashanti's mom Tina Douglas, is a bit of a control freak. This has kept Nelly from asking those magical words. I think we can all say after dating someone for nearly a decade as mentioned in Star this could be the deal breaker. They even quoted Tina as "Mom In The Middle". If that's the deal breaker RUN NELLY RUN! Tina, Ashanti's mom looks over everything she does. Critical with career moves always wanting her daughter to do more. I'm not sure of anyone that is going to be good enough to reach her approval. But in the end, is it really up to someone's parents to decide what's right? As a parent, I want to the best for my daughter, but truly, I have no control over who she falls in love with. I only hope he has a job and aspires to be a good person! Heck, he could wear dreadlocks and believe that everything is Marly. I have also worked with couples where the grooms side is no piece of cake. I had this client who was married earlier this year. HIs mother not only took over my job 3 weeks before the wedding, but began to take over all aspects from both sides. I don't think she even asked the opinion of the brides mom. She just did what she felt was right. I know my bride was scared to death of her. I think she just let things fall by the wayside just to keep the peace. You could tell this couple was in love and that was wonderful to see. The problem was that this groom was a mommas boy. When I say mammas boy, I mean he called her mommy. A man in his 30's calling his mother "mommy" on his wedding day. When I heard this, I had to ask him, what did you just say? You didn't just call her "mommy" did you? He said yes, she's my mommy! Said it proudly! I was REALLY frightened for this bride. I mean he is a great guy, but she has no idea what's in store later on. So, the question is what can you do to work things out? If we use the Post advice on etiquette, she would suggest putting a meeting in order. Write down your concerns on paper and focus on the important points. Make sure you tell his/her mom things that are most important to you on the day of your wedding. Speak without tone, but express yourself in a manner where they understand. There's no guarantee this will work 100%, but at least you become the better person for trying. Now, if all fails, your last resort is to speak to your fiance. Keeping feelings bottled up inside are only going to cause problems for both of you later on. You don't want to take this route. TRUST me! If you are able to express the importance of issues at hand, they may be able to smooth things out without involving you. Don't doubt their ability to get what you need to calm the water per say. I know this may not be the easiest thing to work with, but look at it this way, it could be worse! I had a bride where the mother of the groom refused to meet her until the day before their very own wedding. This mother did not like the bride and had not even met her! I can already tell you, this relationship is going to have some HUGE obstacles ahead! Can you imagine meeting someone who you know doesn't like you the day before you get married? Talk about STRESS! I look forward to sharing other experiences with you! Dying to hear what you have for me! You'd be amazed how many others share your grief!


PinkG said...

This is such a great post, as always. Thanks for bringing up a sensitive topic!


get real with samantha goldberg said...

Thanks Anne. I hope it helped! I know these subjects are never easy to chat about...But just know, you are never alone!

I devote my time to ensuring our clients recieve fab service. There's another "calling" for me. To give back to my peers that aspire to be the next "best" fancy pants somebody! Those who play it safe standing behind me, will fail. I do serve as a warning to others and yes, I'm nutty. It's who I am & it's not going to change, as it works. Feel free to comment & join me on what could be the best road trip EVER!

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Bling and Pearls Can Be The Icing on The Cake!
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