Tale From A Bride....How Do I know He Was The One?

How does anyone know if your chosen mate is truly the one and only? I remember watching Serendipity with John Cusack, do you remember that movie??? I LOVE that movie. The premise of the movie was all about leaving things to fate. It really made you think. We are such control freaks in most cases that we do not trust that whatever is going to happen will happen without help from us! If we get too involved then how do we know what was really supposed to happen? Last year, I entered into a contract with a bride (we will call her Sally). Sally was a very outgoing gal who seemed very caught up in the whole planning and "I am in love" circle. She had the attitude that if she could get through this planning, with the in-laws she was starting to hate, the bad habits of the groom already eating at her patience and a family she could not rely on, everything would be fabulous. I am not sure how everything could be fabulous considering this beginning was not going in the right direction. Every now and then I would get a call from Sally asking my opinions about the relationship and "if this seemed right". It was so hard being the "planner" to give such personal advice and all I could tell her was to follow her gut. These feelings inside do not go away. My philosophy on the good day/ bad day are not signs of a happy outcome. I know couples have disagreements about wedding planning and guests lists, the band and the minuet dealings. But once you begin questioning the person you are going to marry, the only thing you can rely on is your gut. I know there are many brides who have entered into marriage with the insecure feeling that "again, something is not right'. We can't put our fingers on it, but it makes us sick at night. I have been there. I have been engaged a few times...and for different reasons, it just wasn't right. Most of the time you are able to pin point and fix the issue, by calling the wedding off or at least putting it on hold. But what happens to those that assume that things will change? I have been asked this question time and time again, how many couples do you think have ended up in divorce? For as much as I like to ignore that question, I know the facts. I do know what couples are going to have issues. Heck, I am there while they are planning and arguing. What can I say, I cannot tell them to not do it? I mean I would love to, but professionally I cannot. Getting back to Sally...Sally had HUGE doubts about this marriage. Her fiance' "Tim" had huge issues with drinking. She knew this prior to entering into this agreement. He started to cut back after she basically said this is not going to work if you drink. He stopped for a while, but the day of the rehearsal, he showed up an hour late for it, smelled like a brewery and looked at no one but the wall. Again, what do I say, what is appropriate? She let it go. The next day she would see him was at the wedding in the morning. We made it to the wedding day. That morning, I received at least 10 calls. One after another. The wedding is on, the wedding is off...I remember training a new employee and her looking at me asking "is it always this way with brides"? "I was like not really". What did I know? So badly, I wanted to pull Sally aside and say don't do this, not now give it some time. I just could not go there. This was not the first time I have witnessed a bride going into a relationship with BIG issues ahead. In fact this is not the first bride who entered into marriage while the other half had a drinking issue. Bottom line she married him anyway. Why? I am not sure. I had a conversation with Sally today. Sadly, she is now pregnant and separated. She asked me why I never said anything. I just did not think it was my place. I have to say, I am proud of her for realizing this is no way to bring a child into the world. I think this provides valuable information for my clients and for readers of the BLOG. I thanked her for allowing me to publish this. Her advice to new brides who have unsure thoughts about marriage to LISTEN to your gut. Things do not change just because you get married. She mentioned she went through with it because it felt right at the time. She thought their feelings for each other could change the already existing problems he had. What she realized was that he had to want to change on his own. He is not there yet. I am happy to say she is trying to work on herself right now. I am glad she allowed me to share this with you. I know there are brides and grooms who have these issues. I hope this may shed some light on someone who reads this. Thanks Sally! We wish you the best of everything life has to offer.