Wednesday, August 27, 2008

To Gift and Re-gift...Is It Wrong?

I have been asked time and time again, how do I feel about getting gifts at weddings or even worse being re gifted. I completely understand that many people are against registering. They think it is cold or rude to ask for anything. However, if the couple does not want the gift, they most likely are going to throw it away or...RE-GIFT ha! This is what starts the 6 degrees of separation. With my luck, it would end up at a friends home. The same friend who bought it for us! Can you imagine? My question to you wouldn't it be better to get a couple what they want instead of buying something you like and hope they like it? When I was engaged, my MIL threw my husband and I a beautiful shower in Philadelphia. She invited friends of my husband and of course friends of his parents. We had not registered at this point, so I was not expecting to receive any gifts. To my surprise we had many gift givers...Some were fantastic and others left me speechless. As much as I was thankful, all I kept thinking about is how are we going to lugg all of these gifts back to Chicago? This included the gifts we did not like and had no way to return them. If we follow Peggy Post about manners she would say it is proper etiquette to bring the host a gift when invited for a party or a dinner. I always like to bring a bottle of wine, a cute cooking book maybe even a dessert. I feel lost without having some token of appreciation. Do you ever feel that way? Anyway, (my selective ADD is coming into this story)after the party was over, my husband and I began to open gifts. I felt like it was Christmas and we were two eager children who could not wait until the morning. While some gifts were extremely thoughtful or creative we had a few that made me say "How did this jump out at you"? Does fresh dirt always come with a new vase? Maybe I am missing something here. I realize these guests did not know me and to be honest, I would not expect a gift from anyone regardless. However, since they insisted on giving something, wouldn't be fair to ask someone what we may want or need? We must have had about 60 gifts which was overwhelming by itself. I will never forget the moment I opened this fantastically decorated box and to my surprise there were 2 acorn shaped mini candy dishes. I held them up and my fiance' suggested maybe they are antiques...I looked at him and said OK you have to be kidding me. These were not antiques they were used goods. After staring at the tarnished set, I muffled I think we have been re-gifted. I remember his mother being adamant and saying they have to be something special. I know they(her friends) would never re gift a used item. They have to be antique. I felt pretty secure with what my gut was telling me. I suggested we go to an antique store and see what type of antique they were. Maybe we were holding onto a treasure worth millions. Well if something that was tarnished and had an engraved date of 1993 is considered an antique we would be in really good shape! I need to clean out my closets! 1993 here we come! So how did we get this gift? Did they shop around their home? Did they go through the closet inventory and say, I know Samantha and Andrew would love this acorn dish let's give them something that has brought us great joy? I hardly think so! I am sure you know by now, I had the gift checked out and yes...They were nothing more than extremely tarnished acorn dishes! Sadly, I do not have the heart to dump them and I could never re-gift them knowing my luck they would ask for the receipt to return them! After 8 years, I still have the acorns! Have you ever been re gifted? Even better have you ever been gifted an item that was used? What did you do? Please join us in celebrating the "The Little Stuff" If you email us a great story you can win a free hour consultation on how to plan your wedding or ask any questions you like? It will be the most productive 60 minutes you will ever have! You can use this time in any way you choose! We can design a spreadsheet to keep you organized. There's always the acorns if you don't want to use the consultation! Good Luck! Samantha


Michelle@Memorable Events said...

I just had to share my story...but I don't need to be included in the contest...and I really don't think I need the acorns either!

For our wedding we opened all the gifts after the honeymoon with both our immediate families. The majority of the presents were off the registry but there is one that will always stick with me and it was from our Master and Mistress of Ceremonies!!

At the time my husband and I were not wine drinkers and the gift was a gallon size jug of wine and re-gifted champagne glasses. How did I know they were re-gifted? The box still had the old tape with remnants of the previous wrapping paper!!! I still can't believe it. Five years later I finally just opened the wine to see if it was any good...uh no...and I don't think we've used the glasses more than once.

get real with samantha goldberg said...

Classic Michelle! It is amazing the people who do re-gift or shop for items around the house...You would never expect them to do this.

I know a few couples that were invited to our wedding gave us a check for $25. Now don't get me wrong, a gift is a gift...I would have rather they gave it to charity instead. I would have been honored just to have a card wishing us well! You certainly do not get married for the money you hope to recieve from your guests right?
Thanks for the reponse!

Are you ready for the season! One week(gulp)and we are ready to go!

D. Combs said...

When we got married last year, we had someone give us a gift bag with some random items. A 5.00 clock from Wal-Mart, a small picture frame, a cheap photo album from Hobby Lobby and a small (very small) candle. Since there was no card, we couldn't figure out who had given us this strange assortment of gifts. Finally, my Mom's girlfriend had mentioned something and we figured out that it was from her son and his fiance, who had just had a bridal shower. Hmmm, I wonder where all those gifts came from? We're betting 100% that they re-gifted from their own shower. You don't know how tempted we were to re-re-gift for their wedding. You could just tell that they didn't go out and get them with us in's cool though, I donated that stuff for bingo prizes at the nursing home where I worked.

get real with samantha goldberg said...


It definitely sounds like yours came from the shower. I did not even mention to you guys that I also recieved a pewter vase with dirt in it. Again, this gift was from friends of my inlaws. I had to literally show her the dirt for her to believe me.

I sold this at a garage sale for $5and gave the donation to a charity function I planned for dogs in need of shelter and food.

My inlaws have a closet full of gifts we recieved from our wedding that have no reciept and are so completely NOT our taste. I just do not want to be one of those people who invites someone for dinner and rushes to the dark closet with cobwebs to use some platter that the guest gave us years ago. Why lie?

I devote my time to ensuring our clients recieve fab service. There's another "calling" for me. To give back to my peers that aspire to be the next "best" fancy pants somebody! Those who play it safe standing behind me, will fail. I do serve as a warning to others and yes, I'm nutty. It's who I am & it's not going to change, as it works. Feel free to comment & join me on what could be the best road trip EVER!

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